My Dad

So right before I started school at age 5 we got a cocker spaniel puppy and we named him Hunter. Two weeks ago Hunter passed away at age 13. It was hard for me to see him on Skype right before he was put to sleep. He just was so weak and didn't seem like the same dog he used to be. I thought to myself "it is okay move on he is just a dog and this is life." But all of the memories of him came rushing in as I realized I would never be able to see him or give him a walk again. I cried for the first time in 2 or 3 years and it felt right. I was also afraid to cry, I had always told myself you can't cry and after awhile even if I wanted to cry it just couldn't happen. I usually try to come off smooth and having everything together and try to maintain that image. But when I read an email and watched a video my dad sent me I realized that there was no reason to be ashamed for crying. In my mind a man was someone who bow hunts, eats meat, watches football and can protect his family. Well okay my dad is all of those things but it was so surprising to me that he was so open about crying. He is my picture of a man. He has matched up with everything the world says a man except for the fact that he isn't afraid to cry and admit it. Among everything that classifies him as a man I feel like that makes him more of a man than anything.

My dad recorded Hunter's last 13 minutes which includes Hunter passing away. When my dog's head drooped down to his paw and passed away my dad sat there gazing at his companion of 13 years. As he realized Hunter was gone he broke down. And watching my dad cry like that was probably one of the most powerful things I have ever seen in my life.

I came to realize how my dog affected my father. How he was one of the ways God communicated with him. Ever furthering my appreciation for my dog and being even more in awe of God.

Kids,

How you doing? This was a rough week for me. My eyes still hurt from crying (now). His places on the floor are empty. This is my first Friday working from home without my companion. He would get as close to me as he could without bothering me just wanting to be near me. Hunter taught me about God in that way. Wanting to be with me, accepting any attention I want to give Him, but otherwise not bothering me; just waiting for me. Greeting me with perfect acceptance no matter how I had ignored Him......

Love,

Dad

My Dad is a wise dude.

Inspiration

Sophomore year in high school Justin McRoberts came and played at my youth group. He played some songs and told some stories but what he said before his last song has stuck with me till this day. Justin addressed us as Christians living in the one of the wealthiest suburbs in the U.S. and challenged us to live for more than just ourselves.

"You are a blessed people--- and you are blessed in order that you might become a blessing, you are the very people that God has chosen……. to heal his world, you are the very people that God has chosen to let your neighbors….. your schoolmates…. some seventeen year old girl in Ecuador know that there is a God in this world who is better-- than anything else the world has to offer….you’re how he chose to do that. And there’s a great responsibility that comes with that, but believe me when I tell you there is no better life to live than that. You were born with it in your hearts… to want to live a life that means something, to live a life that counts for something, after which people will say I’m glad he was here… I’m glad she was here, I’m glad they were in my life because I’m a more complete person and I know there is a God in this world who loves me… When the world cried out in the darkness because 30,000 kids everyday die because they don’t have enough food, the world cries out in the darkness and says Lord why don’t you do something… why don’t you fix this stuff? Every time someone prays that prayer God says this… "I did…….. I sent you…….. you are what I did and I want you to believe that you are the folks I chose you to do this through,” because the world needs you and the world needs the love of God through you…. but believe it or not you need to do it too, that’s what you were born for…. And your heart will never be satisfied with a life that’s about you, your heart will only be satisfied with a life of generosity…….a life of giving what you have, for the betterment of the world, you are a blessed people but you were blessed in order to be a blessing." – Justin McRoberts

I have this audio track on my Ipod and still listen to it to inspire me.

I See Chris

I had a dream the other week that my dog was still alive. Turns out it was just a dream.....